How to win your ex back is such a frequently asked
question. In addition to that, here are some other
ones men ask us:
"how to get wife back"
"how I got wife back"
"how to get my ex wife back"
"how to get back together with your ex"
"how to get my wife back"
"how to get my wife back after separation"
"how do i get my ex back"
"how to get back in a relationship with your
"how to get your wife back"
The short answer is "Bullets".
We call insecurities "Bullets". Hence the name "The
This is a husband who has dealt with his insecurities
and also is capable of dealing with any future ones
that come his way.
Ok, so now what the hell is insecurity?
You are probably thinking of things like blaming,
feeling a certain way, being out of control etc.
None of those are insecurities.
They are all results and behaviors BECAUSE OF BEING
Listen, I don't blame you for not knowing.
Truth is, 90% of marriage therapists and counselors
don't know the answer concisely as to what insecurity
So let me lay it down for you and then I will expand.
Insecurity is "SUPPRESSED HURT".
Hurts that you suppressed in the past (starting from
age 5 and onwards) and never dealt with them.
Let me explain.
Core insecurities come from mainly 2 age groups:
- 5 to 8 years old - this is when you experience
the notion of failure for the first time and the fact
that the world is not as rainbow as you thought
- 11 to 13 years old - this is when you start to
socialize and the need to "belong" emerges along with
all the challenges of it
Examples of are:
- Teacher or friends call you stupid
- You are bullied
- A girl makes fun of you
- Your father/mother beats you
- You are sexually molested
- Your father/mother says you are not good enough
- You experience abuse between your parents
- Your parents divorce or separate
- Your relative or friend molests you
The list goes on and on...
When any of the events happened in these age groups,
you got hurt.
Now, the real challenge was that as a child you were
not capable of blaming others for why you are
hurting. Your part of your brain wasn't developed yet
to do that.
So the automatic process that took place is that you
subconsciously blamed yourself instead.
- My parents must be divorcing because they don't
- I must be bullied because I am weak
- The teacher must be making fun of me because I am
- My parents don't approve of me because I must not
be worth it
Again...list goes on with examples.
This happened because you needed to justify the hurt
somehow and the only way you were able to do so is by
blaming yourself which resulted in LABELING yourself
Once you labeled yourself, you quickly realized that
you cannot survive constantly feeling hurt.
So, you started to create survival behaviours to
These survival behaviors are overcompensating
behaviors which means that they are typically the
opposite of your label and on the radical side.
- If you labeled yourself as stupid your survivor
behaviors can include:
- The need to be always right
- Over explaining everything so you avoid
- Over analyzing
- Constantly educating yourself so no one can
find out that you are stupid
- If you labeled yourself as weak your survivor
behaviors can include:
- Being controlling so you look strong
- You being extra fit and strong physically
- Being argumentative to display strength
- If you labeled yourself as not worthy your
survivor behaviors can include:
- Not worthy of others time
- Not asking for help
There are so many other examples which we cannot go
into here but the list is huge.
There are also common behaviors across bullets, like
Avoiding can happen through burying yourself into
work to avoid being home all the way to alcohol or
substance abuse and self-harm.
Pay extra attention to this next part please.
Your wife knows all of your bullets within the
first 2 years of living together.
First of all, she operates from the feminine and her
intuition is way more advanced than the masculine.
Secondly, women's highest priority above anything
else is safety and security.
- Emotional safety
- Physical safety
- Mental safety
- Financial safety
- Spiritual safety
Hence, she will do whatever is necessary to feel safe
and secure by constantly being aware of the threats
in her environment - she will also execute tests to
determine safety and security.
A husband who is insecure and ridden with bullets is
NOT SAFE for her.
The more unsafe she feels the more she will test you
to give signals that something needs to change.
This can go on for 2+ years and if her efforts are
not noticed or acted upon, then she will give you the
- I love you but not in love with you
- I want to divorce
- I want to separate
- I want to be friends
- I am not happy anymore
- I cheated on you
Now, you can understand why pointing the finger at
her and blaming her doesn't do any good.
You must demonstrate safety and security for her to
win your ex back.
To do that, you must become self-sufficient as a man
How the hell can you provide safety and security for
her if you are not safe and secure yourself!