How to win your ex back is such a frequently asked
question. In addition to that, here are some other
ones men ask us:
"how to get wife back"
"how I got wife back"
"how to get my ex wife back"
"how to get back together with your ex"
"how to get my wife back"
"how to get my wife back after separation"
"how do i get my ex back"
"how to get back in a relationship with your
"how to get your wife back"
The short answer is "Bullets".
We call insecurities "Bullets". Hence the name "The
This is a husband who has dealt with his insecurities
and also is capable of dealing with any future ones
that come his way.
Ok, so now what the hell is insecurity?
You are probably thinking of things like blaming,
feeling a certain way, being out of control etc.
None of those are insecurities.
They are all results and behaviors BECAUSE OF BEING
Listen, I don't blame you for not knowing.
Truth is, 90% of marriage therapists and counselors
don't know the answer concisely as to what insecurity
So let me lay it down for you and then I will expand.
Insecurity is "SUPPRESSED HURT".
Hurts that you suppressed in the past (starting from
age 5 and onwards) and never dealt with them.
Let me explain.
Core insecurities come from mainly 2 age groups:
- 5 to 8 years old - this is when you experience
the notion of failure for the first time and the fact
that the world is not as rainbow as you thought
- 11 to 13 years old - this is when you start to
socialize and the need to "belong" emerges along with
all the challenges of it
Examples of are:
- Teacher or friends call you stupid
- You are bullied
- A girl makes fun of you
- Your father/mother beats you
- You are sexually molested
- Your father/mother says you are not good enough
- You experience abuse between your parents
- Your parents divorce or separate
- Your relative or friend molests you
The list goes on and on...
When any of the events happened in these age groups,
you got hurt.
Now, the real challenge was that as a child you were
not capable of blaming others for why you are
hurting. Your part of your brain wasn't developed yet
to do that.
So the automatic process that took place is that you
subconsciously blamed yourself instead.
- My parents must be divorcing because they don't
- I must be bullied because I am weak
- The teacher must be making fun of me because I am
- My parents don't approve of me because I must not
be worth it
Again...list goes on with examples.
This happened because you needed to justify the hurt
somehow and the only way you were able to do so is by
blaming yourself which resulted in LABELING yourself
Once you labeled yourself, you quickly realized that
you cannot survive constantly feeling hurt.
So, you started to create survival behaviours to
These survival behaviors are overcompensating
behaviors which means that they are typically the
opposite of your label and on the radical side.
- If you labeled yourself as stupid your survivor
behaviors can include:
- The need to be always right
- Over explaining everything so you avoid
- Over analyzing
- Constantly educating yourself so no one can
find out that you are stupid
- If you labeled yourself as weak your survivor
behaviors can include:
- Being controlling so you look strong
- You being extra fit and strong physically
- Being argumentative to display strength
- If you labeled yourself as not worthy your
survivor behaviors can include:
- Not worthy of others time
- Not asking for help
There are so many other examples which we cannot go
into here but the list is huge.
There are also common behaviors across bullets, like
Avoiding can happen through burying yourself into
work to avoid being home all the way to alcohol or
substance abuse and self-harm.
Pay extra attention to this next part please.
Your wife knows all of your bullets within the
first 2 years of living together.
First of all, she operates from the feminine and her
intuition is way more advanced than the masculine.
Secondly, women's highest priority above anything
else is safety and security.
- Emotional safety
- Physical safety
- Mental safety
- Financial safety
- Spiritual safety
Hence, she will do whatever is necessary to feel safe
and secure by constantly being aware of the threats
in her environment - she will also execute tests to
determine safety and security.
A husband who is insecure and ridden with bullets is
NOT SAFE for her.
The more unsafe she feels the more she will test you
to give signals that something needs to change.
This can go on for 2+ years and if her efforts are
not noticed or acted upon, then she will give you the
- I love you but not in love with you
- I want to divorce
- I want to separate
- I want to be friends
- I am not happy anymore
- I cheated on you
Now, you can understand why pointing the finger at
her and blaming her doesn't do any good.
You must demonstrate safety and security for her to
win your ex back.
To do that, you must become self-sufficient as a man
How the hell can you provide safety and security for
her if you are not safe and secure yourself!
Reviving an affair after a split requires a lot of careful thinking and calculated moves. If you are looking for ideas on “how to win my ex back,” it is important to consider the issue with an interplay of contemplation, patience, and strategic thinking. Here are listed staged steps to lead you through the process of getting in touch with an old partner focusing on keyword enriched variations to match your pursuit.
Understanding Our Parting Ways
Before you ponder the ways of getting your ex back, you should delve into the reasons that caused separation. Thinking about the things that caused the breakup, such as personal defects and the relationship issues, paves the way of the significant changes. This introspection is critical for going ahead.
Personal Transformation Journey
Use the period of separation for development and growth. Participating in new interests, improving your level of fitness or seeking professional help will really increase your quality of life. Your positive lifestyle and mindset changes will prove your readiness to healthier relationship.
Initiating Contact: Initial Step
Once you are ready and have given your ex enough time and space, get back in touch with a light, friendly message. The purpose is to start a dialogue without bombarding them, indicating that you are ready for a friendly talk.
Start by rebuilding a proper friendship before rushing straight back to the love. Have some shared times, and indicate that you can have fun together without the burden of a relationship. This phase is the phase of reconnection.
Discussing What Went Wrong
With the restoring of a friendly relationship, carefully reintroduce past problems in a positive way. Indicate the changes you have implemented and demonstrate your comprehension of the causes of the split. Be prepared to hear their side, and make the required adjustments.
Re-igniting the Spark
If you feel that the mutual interest to reconcile is there, start introducing elements of romance again little by little. Try to build new, positive memories rather than focusing on past mistakes. In this step, the forward move with a renewed perception is taken.
Setting New Relationship Goals
In conjunction, talk about your hopes and anticipations in the future of the relationship. Setting lucid objectives will prevent from repeating past mistakes. Highlight that open communication, trust and respect is the key foundation of your relationship.
Embracing Patience and Acceptance
The importance is to note that the reconciliation may not always occur. Be prepared for what happens and respect your ex’s determinations. Should the results turn other, appreciate the personal development, which you have undergone in the course of this exercise.
A Fresh Start
Trying to win back your ex is all about ensuring a new, improved relationship based on lessons learned. If you will take the situation with maturity and prepared to reconcile, you only increase the possibility of the joyful reunion. Nevertheless, you should be prepared for any result and to put your health and development first of all.