Endre Gabori is the founder & CEO of the Bulletproof Husband™. He's helped married men all over the world rebuild their marriage, while making sure that they do not compromise themselves in the process.
"Nothing like this exists anywhere else"
"The Bulletproof Husband™ has fundamentally changed my life - the tools, systems and guidance provided was invaluable to rebuilding myself as a man, father and husband for my family."
"This is paying off in spades"
"My happiness in life and with my marriage has gone up massively over the last 8 weeks. Instead of reacting to my wife, I create a space for her to be the woman, the wife and the mother that she wants to be. This is paying off in spades. Every new day is better than the last. As a man, watching this unfold in my life is a priceless experience. "
"I am in the best place I have ever been"
"I spent years and a ton of money on different kinds of therapy and coaching. While it served me to get back on my feet in the business world and as a father to 3 little kids nothing clicked in my head like the program at Bullet Proof Husband."
"From divorce papers to reconciliation"
"I went from a marriage that was absolutely heading to lawyers for Divorce 3 months ago to a marriage that has my wife telling me "in 4-6 months she will move me back into my room with her." That's huge progress!"
Lot of men want to know "how to stop my wife from leaving" or "how to win my wife back after hurting her" but they don't take it seriously until she actually leaves.
Well, here you are reading this and chances are that you are now separated, living in different physical places.
I am going to introduce you to a concept that if you master, the probability of your wife moving back (or you moving back to her) will skyrocket ten fold.
The amount of husbands that The Bulletproof Husband has helped just with this one concept is outrageously high!
First, you need to understand that the masculine and feminine DO NOT OPERATE THE SAME WAY.
They are two very different beasts and each one of them have specific roles for the relationship.
Management of the relationship is part of the feminine. It is the feminine's role and it includes anything and everything that has to do with the relationship between you and her.
She manages this relationship and this includes the degree of:
The only thing that comes before this concept are your terms which is a whole other topic. Just know for now that the difference between enabling your wife and not enabling your wife are your terms.
So, when your wife wants to separate from you, what she is doing is managing the relationship and telling you that "what our relationship needs now is physical separation".
The more you get upset or bent out of shape about this, the worse it gets.
The more you cooperate with her efforts to manage the relationship towards separation, the better it will get.
Sounds counterintuitive I know, but these are the facts of the matter like it or not. And we have thousands of case studies to prove both sides.
Now, once you get rid of desperation and focus the time on transforming yourself (being responsible for YOUR part in why the relationship is failing and improving those areas), it will allow immediately noticeable shifts.
This means, even when you are not communicating often, if between each communication you are implementing tools to demonstrate the new version of you it will create curiosity for her.
The requirement for this is that you are transforming yourself because you no longer tolerate the old version of you and NOT because you want to please her.
From this context, genuine changes occur and the way you used to communicate, react and behave all of a sudden starts to shift. When she tests you and does the things that used to trigger you but they no longer do, it causes confusion and curiosity for her.
She will want to know more, understand it better and it will even get her pissed because with each communication she is trying to gather evidence that her decision to leave you was the right one.
However, you are now starting to make this very difficult for her because the evidence is turning out to be the contrary - that it might have been a bad decision.
So, she wants to continue testing you which leads to more time together and more communication naturally.
When you capitalize on this and continue to control the areas you can control - the work on yourself - passing these tests becomes easy because you now know what is happening and why she is doing what she's doing.
Also, when the time between two communications is longer, the contrast of your changes in each interaction is more vivid and eye opening for her.
If you live together with your wife, the changes are also noticed but at smaller degrees leading to a similar time frame of reconciliation when you compile these.
Conclusion is that when you are consistently using the tools that have proven to work over a period of time, then whether you're separated or not becomes absolutely irrelevant.
Being separated or living together makes no difference in how fast you get your wife back.
Using the tools and having a structure and framework to follow regardless of circumstances does make a huge difference in how fast you get your wife back.
So focus on what makes a difference and avoid the things that do not move the needle for you.
Correct. It is the last thing she wants to talk about (while it is the only thing you want to talk about). You want to avoid 100% bringing up relationship topics. If she brings it up, no problem, use the communication tools we teach to be a rock star. You need to focus on rebuilding trust and the more you force relationship conversation the more trust gets eroded. Proven fact.
That is fine. We have had many success stories of only texting to rebuilt marriage. Not an issue if you are using the right tools and focusing on capitalizing on those text interactions to create that curiosity then it will evolve into phone calls, video face time and personal meetings with her. The first key area to rebuild trust is in the zone of "friendship" and "co-parenting". This means, becoming a great father and team player in conversations around kids builds tremendous trust. Without it, you cannot advance to the next step.
Cooperate with her efforts to manage the relationship. This means, she is telling you what your relationship needs is space. While you are giving space, begin the intense work on yourself to take care of your gap in why the relationship is failing. When you do that, during the "occasional" interactions with her, she will notice immediate change because your trigger points are not triggering anymore. You are more calm, less desperate, more understanding etc. Don't focus on the degree of communication and physical separation - instead focus on what you need to do and how you need to show to blow her mind at the next interaction through your changes. This will start having her doubt the decision and result in more future and frequent interactions to test you.
We have heard this so many times. My wife is stubborn. Once she says something she doesn't change it. Bullshit. Seriously. The feminine operates on feelings. Which means her actions are based on how she feels. When she tells you something that comes from this "stubborn context", it means that is how she is "strongly" feeling in that moment. Your goal is to change how she feels by leading her through how you are showing up as a different man from before.
No idea. Our members have done it within 2 weeks and done it within 2 years. And anything in between. This is not what you should focus on. Why? Because the changes required for getting your wife back are permanent and have to remain in place after you get her back. Don't expect to get her back with quick manipulation and then have it last. It requires permanent changes and specific scientific tools implemented that cause that. Genuine change only occurs that way. And when you come from that context, the time to win her back becomes irrelevant - even more so if you have children together - because you are in it for life together.
Yes, short-term. No, long-term if you do the work on your end to lead her back to being together. Divorce is by far the biggest source of insecurities for children which they carry into adulthood and can look like: