Endre Gabori is the founder & CEO of the Bulletproof Husband™. He's helped married men all over the world rebuild their marriage, while making sure that they do not compromise themselves in the process.
"Nothing like this exists anywhere else"
"The Bulletproof Husband™ has fundamentally changed my life - the tools, systems and guidance provided was invaluable to rebuilding myself as a man, father and husband for my family."
"This is paying off in spades"
"My happiness in life and with my marriage has gone up massively over the last 8 weeks. Instead of reacting to my wife, I create a space for her to be the woman, the wife and the mother that she wants to be. This is paying off in spades. Every new day is better than the last. As a man, watching this unfold in my life is a priceless experience. "
"I am in the best place I have ever been"
"I spent years and a ton of money on different kinds of therapy and coaching. While it served me to get back on my feet in the business world and as a father to 3 little kids nothing clicked in my head like the program at Bullet Proof Husband."
"From divorce papers to reconciliation"
"I went from a marriage that was absolutely heading to lawyers for Divorce 3 months ago to a marriage that has my wife telling me "in 4-6 months she will move me back into my room with her." That's huge progress!"
Most men use the following headlines when they reach out to us about how to save their relationship:
|"how to save my relationship"||"i want to fix my marriage"||"how to fix my relationship"|
|"how to fix your relationship"||"how to repair my relationship"||"how to fix broken relationship"|
|"how do i fix my relationship"||"how can i fix my relationship"||"how to fix a damaged relationship"|
There are so many commonalities to all of these where the answers are identical.
Let's start with some foundations.
For most men, the relationship is made up of husband and wife. Girlfriend and boyfriend. This is absolutely inaccurate. Let us present a different approach: You + Her + Relationship = Marriage
You must take the relationship as its own entity. Kind of like a corporation. It thrives and survives (or not) on its own. You contribute to it and your partner contributes to it. You have a more masculine contribution and she has a more feminine contribution. As the partner, you must understand both your role to the relationship and her role so that when she contributes, you understand what's happening (instead of getting upset or triggered by it).
One of your biggest roles is leading the relationship and one of her biggest roles is managing the relationship. Management of the relationship includes intimacy, communication and how close or apart the two of you are. Leading has to do with the aspects of what you initiate in the relationship. You lead then she manages from there.
This concept alone is a game changer for a marriage. However, most men get triggered by it until they fully understand the approach. It is critical that you fully understand this, otherwise your marriage is doomed long-term.
In today's society, it is all about pushing for equality. On all fronts. Gender, workplace, opportunities, sexuality etc. This is very good and should be continued. However, one of the things that get mixed up in this trend is thinking that the masculine has the same roles as the femine in a relationship. This cannot be further from the truth. This misconception is causing depolarization in society where men are becoming more feminine and women are becoming more masculine. In turn this is destroying attraction between couples long-term.
The need to understand healthy masculinity and healthy femininity is all the more critical. Once you understand how the masculine and feminine operate, what motivates them and what is important to them (all different for both sides) then you can begin to grasp the tools available to save your relationship.
Terms are a man's non-negotiables. Most men are compromising themselves in their life and relationship. They have lost their true masculine identity. As a result, they agree to do things that go against who they are as a man or they decide not to do things that go against who they are as a man. It is essential that you identify your terms as a man and implement them right away in your life and relationship. This creates safety for your partner because it let's her know the boundaries in which to manage the relationship. It also allows her to respect you. Lastly, it boosts your confidence and decision making process while not having you feel like you are enabling your partner. Terms come before the relationship. In other words, not compromising your terms is more important than the relationship. When you compromise who you are to please her, you are pretending to be somebody else than who you really are. Essentially you become a puppet and she is the puppeteer. Once you are clear on your terms and live accordingly, it resets the tone for the both of you in a healthy way. Terms is a must.
There is a series of 4 steps we teach men to prioritize their actions by. This males decision making is very simple and allows a man to categorize what decisions should be made through commitment vs through feelings. Out Of the 4, the first 3 are based on commitment and the last is based on feelings. This tool is important because decision-making is a masculine trait and expected from the feminine. Yet, so many men want to please their wife and cannot make decisions. This is unsafe and unattractive for her.
First of all, it is totally normal. Believe it or not, she feels she has been working in it for years because she has given you signals that you failed to see. Why? Probably because of the lack of knowledge and understanding of how the feminine works (half of the planet). By the time you want to seriously work on the relationship, she is checked out. Hence why forcing her to work on the relationship just makes things 10 times worse. You must learn to lead her back into the relationship through scientific tools that work.
Apathy. When a woman displays apathy it is more difficult to repair the relationship than if she is cheating, going out at night or arguing all the time. Nothing makes a relationship more difficult to rebuild than when she is apathetic. Signs of apathy are:
Answering this question comes from the context of children. By far the best thing for children is when mom and dad are together in a harmonious co-parenting relationship. There are 3 cases when divorce/separation is better for children than staying in the marriage:
These put the children out to harm when they experience or witness any of these and their symptoms. All other scenarios are very much worth fighting for to maintain the family structure.
If your marriage is struggling and your wife gave you the slap, she is hurting. One of the consequences of that is turning her attention to herself in hopes of figuring out her identity which she lost while raising the children and not being emotionally fulfilled by you. This can result in her taking attention away from the kids and putting it on you. Very common phenomenon and the solution to it is very clear when the right tools are implemented by the husband.
Wrong question to ask. Seriously. We have helped men rebuild in 4 weeks and also in 4 years. The variables are so different. How long have you been married? How long has she been giving signs and signals? How well you implement the tools?... and the list goes on. However, there is 1 commonality between men who rebuilt their relationship in 4 weeks or 4 years - they all consistently did what worked and understood that their new tools and changes are for life. They got that it's not about how long it takes but that it's about implementing what works for life.
If you have children with your partner who are still living with you and there is no substance/physical abuse or chronic mental illness present then absolutely and 100% yes. Otherwise you are gambling with your children's lives.