Endre Gabori is the founder & CEO of the Bulletproof Husband™. He's helped married men all over the world rebuild their marriage, while making sure that they do not compromise themselves in the process.
"Nothing like this exists anywhere else"
"The Bulletproof Husband™ has fundamentally changed my life - the tools, systems and guidance provided was invaluable to rebuilding myself as a man, father and husband for my family."
"This is paying off in spades"
"My happiness in life and with my marriage has gone up massively over the last 8 weeks. Instead of reacting to my wife, I create a space for her to be the woman, the wife and the mother that she wants to be. This is paying off in spades. Every new day is better than the last. As a man, watching this unfold in my life is a priceless experience. "
"I am in the best place I have ever been"
"I spent years and a ton of money on different kinds of therapy and coaching. While it served me to get back on my feet in the business world and as a father to 3 little kids nothing clicked in my head like the program at Bullet Proof Husband."
"From divorce papers to reconciliation"
"I went from a marriage that was absolutely heading to lawyers for Divorce 3 months ago to a marriage that has my wife telling me "in 4-6 months she will move me back into my room with her." That's huge progress!"
These are the many different subject lines husbands use when they contact us at The Bulletproof Husband about how to save their marriage (yes, we actually tracked these):
|"how to fix a broken marriage"||"how to repair my marriage"||"how to fix a relationship"|
|"i want to fix my marriage"||"how to save a broken marriage"||"how can i fix my marriage"|
|"fixing your marriage"||"how do i fix my marriage"||"repairing a marriage"|
|"fix marriage problems"||"how do i save my marriage"||"how to fix relationship"|
|"how to repair marriage"||"how to keep my wife"||"fixing my marriage"|
|"how can i save my marriage"||"how to save my marriage"||"how to fix a bad marriage"|
|"how to fix a marriage"||"how to fix my marriage"||"how to fix a relationship you ruined"|
Regardless which of these popped up for you in your head, what you need to realize is that the ANSWER TO ALL OF THEM ARE EXACTLY THE SAME.
Let me explain.
The basic thing you need to understand first is the "psychology" of how a marriage breaks down.
Your wife doesn't wake up from Monday to Tuesday wanting a divorce, separation or affair.
On average, a wife gives at minimum 2 years of signals to the husband about the marriage not working. The probability that this is the same for you is 99%.
During these 2+ years, she is desperately trying to get your attention to fix the marriage issues with her.
However, all of it falls on deaf ears with broken promises and total ignorance from you.
While she is giving signals which you fail to see, her belief is that she is working on the marriage alone and you don't care at all.
After years of these escalating patterns of signal giving and her feeling suffocated more and more each day in the process, her heart starts to harden.
She becomes more masculine.
She becomes more direct.
She becomes less affectionate.
She becomes less responsible around the house, chores, and kids.
She starts to focus more on fulfilling her own needs.
She starts to be less and less around you.
She starts to withdraw intimacy.
Then you wake up one day and you get the "slap" from her:
You are now shocked. You didn't see it coming at all. Totally caught you off guard.
Your world is shattered. Your hopes and dreams of "happily ever after" are crumbling.
Your confusion and lack of understanding what just happened is starting to raise your heart beat and this sense of disbelief takes over you along with temperature changes being felt throughout your body.
From here, in a state of panic you become a puppet.
You go into an overcompensation drive with total enablement of your wife sprinkled with begging and pleading fuelled by what feels like a never ending stream of guilt all with the hope to try to change her mind.
The more your guilt is fuelling these behaviors the worse everything gets. Not only you don't achieve the results you hoped for, it is now 10 fold worse.
This pisses you off and triggers you constantly.
Your guilt starts to turn into blame and finger pointing at your wife which results in arguments and passive-aggressive attacks.
Then you jump on the rollercoaster ride of constant flip between anger and guilt with the alternating associated behaviors of :
Now, your marriage is worse than ever. It seems unrepairable.
There is nothing left in you.
You are stressed, exhausted and at a loss.
BUT you are still desperate and you just cannot accept this.
This is when a light bulb moment happens.
"I cannot do this alone. Clearly others must know how to solve it if I can't. Let's reach out for help."
So the research starts.
Google. Youtube. Books. Blogs. Friends. Family.
And here you are brother.
In the moment with me, Endre Gabori, Co-Founder of The Bulletproof Husband™.
Reading these exact lines while I just described your situation which probably has you thinking - how the hell does he know all this?
Well, 10,000+ marriages I get a pretty good idea what's going on for you.
What I also have a really good idea about is what you need to do next:
Click the Watch Now button and take the 45 minutes of completing our intro training (free) which every single one of the thousands of husbands who rebuilt their marriage watched.
This training alone is responsible for saving thousands of marriages.
And...now you can get on that path as well.
This is probably the most commonly used question husbands ask. If you are asking this also then it reveals so much about where you are in the areas of responsibility and ownership. First let's establish that it is not the man's fault. Both parties have their own respective responsibilities as to why the marriage is not working. However, pointing the finger and blaming the other will do no good to the children, the husband, the wife or the relationship. Second, somebody has to initiate the change. Either you or her. Now we have established prior to this FAQ section that she has been giving signals for 2+ years. So, naturally she is waiting for you to initiate the change because she is exhausted, suffocated and has nothing left.
Not only that the answer is yes to this question but we will go one step further. The only way to fix the marriage is to do it alone. The more you want her involved (especially in the beginning) the higher the probability of divorce. THE ONLY WAY TO FIX A MARRIAGE IS ALONE. To sustain a marriage, it requires both parties. However, to get the marriage to sustainability, it requires only one - YOU.
Through your leadership and transformation because you no longer tolerate the old version of yourself. Now, for this to happen you need to step into responsibility and ownership. These will allow you to see your bullets (insecurities) and your gaps. Then you implement tools and support structures consistently which she will notice pretty much immediately. She will not trust it at first, same way as you wouldn't either if roles were reversed. However, with consistent demonstration of the new you, she will have no other choice but to trust it over time.
If your marriage is struggling and your wife gave you the slap, she is hurting. One of the consequences of that is turning her attention to herself in hopes of figuring out her identity which she lost while raising the children and not being emotionally fulfilled by you. This can result in her taking attention away from the kids and putting it on you. Very common phenomenon and the solution to it is very clear when the right tools are implemented by the husband.
The foundation of communication is PRESENCE. You must be fully present with your wife when communicating. Most men have several things in the way of being fully present:
The simple answer is: by doing the things
that work consistently over a long period
of time. Let's dissect this.
Doing the things that work - a lot of husbands complain that they have done everything to save their marriage. When I bring up topics and tools to see if they have done them, the answer is no. So...clearly they haven't done everything possible. Most men exude effort with what they believe works. However, it doesn't work. It also doesn't mean they have done everything. All it means is that they have given up. There are ways to do things (regardless of wrong or right) that work.
Consistently over a long period of time - this is just as important as the first part. You've trained your wife over the years to behave, react and expect things from you in a certain way. When a husband is rebuilding his marriage, he is simultaneously destroying old behaviors while implementing new ones based on the tools that work. Your wife will not believe it at first. In fact, it will piss her off. She will need to test it to make sure the changes she is seeing are real and permanent. Your job is to pass those tests. The more tests you pass, the more trust in you gets rebuilt.