Endre Gabori is the founder & CEO of the Bulletproof Husband™. He's helped married men all over the world rebuild their marriage, while making sure that they do not compromise themselves in the process.
"Nothing like this exists anywhere else"
"The Bulletproof Husband™ has fundamentally changed my life - the tools, systems and guidance provided was invaluable to rebuilding myself as a man, father and husband for my family."
"This is paying off in spades"
"My happiness in life and with my marriage has gone up massively over the last 8 weeks. Instead of reacting to my wife, I create a space for her to be the woman, the wife and the mother that she wants to be. This is paying off in spades. Every new day is better than the last. As a man, watching this unfold in my life is a priceless experience. "
"I am in the best place I have ever been"
"I spent years and a ton of money on different kinds of therapy and coaching. While it served me to get back on my feet in the business world and as a father to 3 little kids nothing clicked in my head like the program at Bullet Proof Husband."
"From divorce papers to reconciliation"
"I went from a marriage that was absolutely heading to lawyers for Divorce 3 months ago to a marriage that has my wife telling me "in 4-6 months she will move me back into my room with her." That's huge progress!"
Are you finding yourself asking "how to make my wife love me again"?... or "how to make my wife love me again after separation"?
Such a scary question and being in this situation is never good. There are so many conflicting thoughts that go through your head that you end up spinning in circles not knowing where to look, who to listen to and what actions to take.
Your mental and physical health takes a toll as well during these times because of the amount of real estate these questions take up in your head which results in fear and then it starts to manifest into physical symptoms - like losing weight due to stress.
It is during these times that a man makes all the bad moves in trying to "quickly fix" years, potentially decades of damage. Begging, pleading, trying to impress, arguing etc.
The truth is that all of this is driven by "desperation".
How to get your wife to love you again, starts with getting rid of this desperation.
I mean, seriously, have you ever performed well in convincing someone to do something when you were desperate?
Whether it's in business, sales, or any form of enrollment?
The answer is an obvious no.
Desperation is an emotional state that has you do radical things which in most cases fire back and bite you in the bummy.
Are there exceptions? Sure, but let's face it, barely any.
Now, let's also look at your wife's side.
What woman on earth would want to be with a man who is desperate?
It feels fake, suffocating and a total turn off for her.
No different when you try to pick up a girl at a club to get laid in a desperate fashion - they smell it right away and want nothing to do with it (no matter how sexy or good looking you are).
At this point the question you are asking yourself is "how do I get rid of desperation then"?
Now that you are clear that desperation doesn't serve anybody and that you have admitted to yourself that you are desperate, let's look at next steps.
You need to understand why you became desperate. There are several reasons for that. The most important one is the emotional side.
When your wife tells you she doesn't love you anymore, your world shatters. Your hopes and dreams of an everlasting vow and forever after fairy tale marriage starts to collapse.
Your image of a safe and secure family along with the comfort it provides is at risk.
The more firm she is on not loving you the harder the crash happens for you. The fairy tale story seems less and less likely and you just don't understand what or when things went wrong.
You desperately start to search for answers from her. Yet still you don't understand what is going on.
Well, you need to understand that the current version of you as a husband will NEVER BE ABLE TO GET HIS WIFE TO LOVE HIM AGAIN.
Yes, in capital letters I wrote it. For a reason.
This leaves you with, who do I need to become to have her love me again?
To start that process, you need to let go of the hopes and dreams from your old marriage.
We call this "grieving the slap". Slap being the hurt and pain of her not loving you anymore and grieving being you letting out the hurt and pain.
This is important so that you don't do the work on yourself for the wrong reasons - which typically gets summed up to manipulating your wife to love you.
Do not do that because let's face it, the question is how to win back your wife's heart so that she is "in love" with you again.
But the REAL QUESTION is, how do you do that so it is long-term and lasting?
Once you grieve the hopes and dreams of the old marriage, you can now begin laying down the foundations for a new marriage (with the same women of course).
That new relationship will never be like the old one for 2 reasons:
Once you have grieved the slap and now you are motivated to truly work on yourself because you no longer tolerate the old version of you, a whole new universe opens up.
Your level of responsibility and ownership starts to elevate.
Your confidence skyrockets.
Your wife starts to test you calling bullshit on the changes she is experiencing (fast mind you).
You no longer base your performance on what your wife says or does because you get that she will be testing you until she trusts that these changes are here for the long-term.
Low and behold, here you are no longer desperate.
You are doing the things that work confidently and unwaveringly!
Now you just need to stay consistent and add a few skill sets on top to create the desire in her to love you again.
You have to grieve the slap which is an emotional process of letting go of the hurt and pain of the hopes and dreams of the past relationship. This is by no means a logical process. You actually have to pull the bullet (insecurity) that your wife caused by telling your she doesn't love you.
First it is the courage to admit that you are desperate and that it doesn't work. Then you have to go through the emotional grieving of having lost your marriage and the hopes and dreams with it. Only when this is done, can you start laying down a new foundation to build a new relationship with the same woman.
In most cases this is equivalent to your wife not trusting you yet. It makes sense if you think about it. Why would she trust a sudden change in behavior after so many years of negative behavior? Why would she believe that you won't slip back to old habits? This is where consistency becomes the key. Doing the things that work consistently so that you keep passing her tests which rebuilds trust, emotional connection and love from her to you.
In our society this is not taught in school. However, if you want permanent long lasting change, you must master pulling your bullets (dealing with your insecurities) so that behaviors that you don't want get eliminated (pretty much automatically). Otherwise you are just using will power to try to see things through and that is a short-term strategy that always fails long-term. You can imagine if we are called The Bulletproof Husband, how important getting rid of bullets are!
Many signs to show that. For example, she tells you she loves you, her actions are less masculine and more feminine (more feelings based vs direct conversation), she wants to spend more time with you, she is sharing more and more with you deeper and deeper intimate topics. And of course, you start to feel loved again yourself.
By doing the things that work and doing them consistently. By avoiding becoming complacent and comfortable. By upping the game you play in your personal and self-development journey. By being always responsible about what happens around you instead of pointing the finger, blaming and being a victim to your circumstances. While these sound all high level stuff, they are genuinely the key to long-lasting love when coupled with the right tools.